In the beginning, I was a normal, happily married woman who was mostly content with what she had. No.. strike that. Have I ever been content? Haven't I always strived for more? A better education, a better job, a way to fulfill my dreams and goals, and a loving husband to be my partner in life? Perhaps I should say that I had reached a point where I had all those things. And I still do, unless I screw it up. I now have the better education, the better job, the small farm, and the loving husband, and have for many years. So what's going on now?
Life is a funny thing.. you think you know what you want, and when you get it, you take it for granted and want something else. Or well, I guess at least I do. For several years I felt like something was missing... like I was mourning something, but didn't know what. Life was pretty good, other than this thing that was missing. What was missing? I have no idea! It's crazy.
So really.. in the very beginning, I was a child who learned to be very independent at a very young age, and to develop a strong intuition of when things were about to go bad for me. I learned to tell quickly who was capable of hurting me, and who I could trust. There were very precious few I could trust.
Today I wish for:
Peace in my heart and mind
To learn and truly believe that sometimes it is OK to be weak.
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